I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize