Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
