...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
