I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
