So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
