so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i've created a new STD.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
