coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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