I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
