i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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