It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
