he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We need to get me chipped asap
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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