The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
