hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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