can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
