I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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