I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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