I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I need water and some morals
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
