Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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