I CAN MOONWALK!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
