That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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