I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
