just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
