How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
