I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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