Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
this boner is exhausting
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
