we're chasing vodka with high fives
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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