I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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