hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i now understand why vodka
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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