So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
