there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
