just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
