he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
