he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
