the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
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