She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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