sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize