I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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