tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's never too late to be topless.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
