Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
