I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
