..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
After last night, I could never be a politician.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize