Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
