i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
