I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
