I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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