i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
