listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
