What did we do last night that was yellow?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize