the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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