I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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