i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
