What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
