I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
