Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
