Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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