I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
