My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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