just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
At least life still wants to fuck me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
