i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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