Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize