i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
