i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
