...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
