If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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