no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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