So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
