Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
