My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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