belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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