after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
third nipple confirmed
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
