I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
